You Might Be A Redneck If . . .

page 1 page 2 page 3 page 4 page 5 page 6 page 7 page 8

. . . you’ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

. . . you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

. . . you get Odor-Eaters as a Christmas present.

. . . you are allowed to bring your dog to work.

. . . chiggers are included on your list of top five hygiene concerns.

. . . the flood history of your area can be seen on your living room walls.

. . . your wife has been involved in more than six barroom brawls in the last two weeks.

. . . your wife has a set of earrings that you use as a fishing lure.

. . . you fish coins out of public fountains.

. . . your Grandma keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

. . . your neighbor has a refrigerator on his front porch stocked with beer so he won't have to

get off the sofa to welcome friends.

. . . you put a 5 dollar bill in a pop machine.

. . . you steal money from the Salvation Army buckets.

. . . you have ever been evicted from a place you own.

. . . you live in El Reno, Oklahoma.

. . . you stare at a can of orange juice, because it says "concentrate."

. . . you take your wife to your mistress's wedding.

. . . you use channel locks for a nose hair trimmer.

. . . it took you twenty years to figure out how to add single digit numbers.

. . . you spit in the skillet to check the temperature.

. . . you had to call the police department to get your flare gun back.

. . . you use the CD-ROM drive on your computer to hold your beer.

. . . you've ever had sex in a sattelite dish.

. . . you own more than 5 trucks that you need ladders to get into.

. . . you have a piece of cardboard that says "No Trespassing" beside your front door.

. . . your wife's idea of a sanitary napkin is one of your dirty work socks left beside the toilet.

. . . you always start a story with "Y'all aint gonna believe this!"

. . . you think that "Winnie-the-Pooh" is something your Granny just left on the rug.

. . . you have three kids named: Peggy Sue, Peggy Jean, & Billy Bob.

. . . your truck has a variety or different make of parts (ex. Chevy radiator, Dodge starter, Ford body).

. . . you eat your daily road-kill out of the same dirty bowl every night.

. . . you bring home from school a certificate as "The Best Reader in the Fourth Grade" for three years in a row.

. . . your pick-up has four new tires and none of them are the same size.

. . . you go to the bank for a loan and the loan officer asks to see the stock you have listed as

collateral, so you bring in the three hogs you bought last month at the auction.

. . . your life savings is buried in your back yard.

. . . you walk the ends off your jeans instead of hemming them.

. . . you thought the Y2K Bug was a new species of insect.

. . . you thought the Sega Dreamcast was a new fishing rod.

. . . you buy your china as a grocery store special every week.

. . . your neighbor uses left-over house paint to paint his car.

. . . you use mason jars to make lamps.

. . . your grandma gives you a wedding present wrapped in christmas paper.

. . . you can see all your family members when you're in your own bed.

. . . your dad guts one of the old TV's for a another knick-knack shelf.

. . . you think beef stroganoff is when the bull is playing with himself.

. . . the other 13 trailers out back of yours belong to your children and their families.

. . . all you want for Christmas is deer pee.

. . . your 2-year old has more teeth than you do.

. . . your dog can smoke a cigarette.

. . . you think "Old Yeller" refers to your brother's tooth.

. . . you have a house that's mobile and 16 cars that aren't.

. . . you have more than 4 vehicles up on blocks in your yard.

. . . you buy a padded headboard to practice safe sex.

. . . you spray-painted your dog hunters orange to, "make him look more decent like."

. . . you've been on TV more than 5 times describing what the tornado sounded like.

. . . your best laundry bag is made by Hefty.