You Might Be A Redneck If . . .

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. . . you say "I tell you wut!" more than 3 times a day.

. . . your daddy's last words were "Hey ya'll, look what I can do!"

. . . your new lawn furniture was in your house last summer.

. . . your car uses more oil than gas.

. . . you have ever used a turkey baster bulb to get something out of your ear.

. . . your dog wants you to be the girl tonight.

. . . you use the car that is broken down in the driveway as a tool shed.

. . . fine dining is the Waffle House.

. . . you've ever been in a fist fight with your best friend because he said his

John Deere will out pull your Farmall.

. . . your dog has a litter of puppies on your living room floor and no one notices.

. . . you fall in love with a girl and write "I Love You" using duck tape.

. . . you think "harass" are two words.

. . . your race car looks and runs better than your own car.

. . . you get drunk while mowing the grass.

. . . you have a beer cooler on your riding lawn mower.

. . . you have ever opened a beer bottle with your truck door.

. . . hot dogs and pork-n-beans are your favorite Sunday night dinner.

. . . your hair is five times as long in the back as it is on top.

. . . you put mud grips on your new Cadillac.

. . . your Mama yells, "Close the screen door boy, you're letting all the bugs out!"

. . . you have no idea who the President is but you can name five NASCAR drivers in a single belch.

. . . you actually know what "puked a motor" means.

. . . you've ever been in a fist fight involving the phrase "Dale Earnhardt is the Intimidator".

. . . you think 7-11 is a grocery store.

. . . your kids fall down in the house and get grass stains.

. . . you have to slide out of the passenger side of your truck because the driver's

side door is jammed.

. . . if the dashboard of your work vehicle is covered with empty cigarette cartons and

Mountain Dew bottles.

. . . your Daddy picks you up from school in a Swamp Buggy.

. . . you refer to Wal-mart as going to the mall.

. . . your sister/brother is also your cousin.

. . . your wife wears a dress on Sunday and one of you're flannel shirts over it.

. . . you go into an auto parts store and tell them you need a part for your Chevy and

when they ask you make and model you answer, "They're all the same."

. . . you go coon hunting with a spot light instead of a dog.

. . . you hunt deer from a moving vehicle.

. . . your wife's deer head hanging on the wall is bigger than yours.

. . . you take your wife fishing and she out fishes you and all your buddies.

. . . your wife can out drink you or any of your friends and is willing to prove it.

. . . your wife can belch louder than you can.

. . . you consider yourself the black sheep of the family because you are the only one

not living in a trailer house.

. . . your mama spends more money fixing up her old trailer house than it cost to

build a new brick home.

. . . your mama has more gadgets and accessories on her pickup truck than you do.

. . . you got more antennas on your truck than the local TV station.

. . . you call a chicken a yard bird.

. . . you get a ticket cause you got a confederate flag as a front license plate.

. . . the police are looking for you in a brown truck so you wiped off the mud a bit so

they wouldn't recognize you.

. . . your wardrobe consists of nothing but cammo and flannel.

. . . you see your grandmother naked and it turns you on.

. . . you have a transmission in your bathtub.

. . . you're home schooled and you date someone in your class.

. . . your Mama was ever asked to leave a Bingo game because of her language.

. . . you've ever put a tarp in the bed of your truck to use it as a swimming pool.

. . . you finally mow your front lawn and you find the pickup truck that you thought was stolen.

. . . you know exactly how many cans of spray paint it takes to paint a 1976 full size Chevy truck.

. . . the biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

. . . you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say cool whip on the side.

. . . you think a tv dinner consists of a RC Cola and a moon pie.

. . . you join the army for the free uniform.

. . . you wash your truck in a mud puddle.

. . . you spend more time with you truck than your family.

. . . your kids eat on the floor while your dogs eat at the table.

. . . your 80 year old grandma can shoot better than you.

. . . you have ever peed in the sink cuz your mom was hogging up the outhouse.

. . . your beer can pyramid is taller than your trailer.

. . . you have to mow the hoods of your cars. (

. . . you put a sign up that says "Billy Bob & Sally wedding --->" on a cardboard sign in

spray paint nailed to a tree.

. . . you have ever surrendered to the police in exchange for cigarettes.

. . . you think "manual labor" is a Spanish ambassador.

. . . you have ever had to gift-wrap a tire.

. . . your dog's collar costs more than the clothes you are wearing.

. . . your kid learns to shoot a gun before he learns his alphabet.

. . . you divorced your 1st. cousin, married your 2nd. cousin and are cheating with your 3rd. cousin.

. . . you found a toy boat in your toilet when you were taking a bath and started playing with it.

. . . you dust furniture with underwear.

. . . you sat on your roof with a loaded gun waiting for twelve midnight to roll around on Y2K.

. . . your whole yard has chickens and cows in it.

. . . you not only pass the beans at the supper table but your teeth so Billy Bob can chew them also.

. . . you give Tic-Tacs out at Christmas instead of candy canes.

. . . you have the same meal for a week straight.

. . . you've got a tab at the ABC Liquor Store.

. . . your father marries someone with the same last name as yours.

. . . you've ever driven a tractor to a family reunion.

. . . you buy something you already have.

. . . you're trying to start a 16 hp motor and your shed catches on fire.

. . . you think garbage pickin' is a hobby.

. . . your grandmother has to be taken out of bingo because of her language.

. . . your wedding cake was made by Sara Lee.

. . . the figures on your wedding cake wore overalls.

. . . you have to change gears in your pickup by opening the hood and moving the

gear arm, then jump back in before the truck drives off without you.

. . . your screen name is John Deere.

. . . you think the unibomber was a wrestler.

. . . you think the quarter horse is the ride outside of Wal-Mart.

. . . you've ever gotten a "lap" dance from your sister!.

. . . the fairground's main attraction is to see who can throw cow pie the farthest!

. . . you take your dog on more vacations than your wife!

. . . the bouquet at your wedding was stolen from a cemetery.

. . . your only time spent sober is the time spent getting another 6 pack.

. . . your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

. . . you decorate the lawn mower with red Christmas lights at Halloween.

. . . you think Iraq is a high performance Camero

. . . your pocket knife has ever been referred too as Exhibit A.

. . . your Sunday vest is green and consists of three different fishin' lures.

. . . you think that "loading up the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

. . . your pick-up is at least 3 colors.

. . . all of the light switches in your house are wired to turn on the light on the front porch.

. . . you think coming from a broken home means your trailer has a flat.

. . . both your house and car are on blocks.

. . . you have a cow tied to the front bumper of your broken down Chevy truck as a pet.

. . . you use coffee filters when you run out of toilet tissue.

. . . you think W.W.J.D stands for, "What would Junior do?"

. . . any of your children were conceived under a stop light.

. . . you name your children after the cars they were conceived in.

. . . your wife's bridal reception was at Wal-Mart.

. . . you call fast food hitting a deer at 60mph.

. . . you floss with barb wire.

. . . your tire swing has a truck still attached to it.

. . . on cold nights, your dog sleeps on the bed and your wife doesn't.

. . . you are naked on laundry day.

. . . the words Nascar, tire, dog or shotgun appeared in your wedding vows.

. . . you pull one of your dogs loose teeth and keep it to have something to remember him by.

. . . your idea of a family cook-out is the whole family gathering around the Chevy with the hood up.

. . . your Computer has Winders 95 instead of Windows.

. . . your moms maiden name is Bubba.

. . . your sister has more hair on her legs than you do.

. . . your dog can open a beer can for you.

. . . your favorite fishing hole has more car parts in it than a junk yard.

. . . you think your sister is sexier than your wife.

. . . you and your dad share the same mistress.

. . . you ever told your Mom that she looks sexy in mini skirts.

. . . your wife shaves her beard more than you shave yours.

. . . you thought Texas A&M is a root beer made in Texas.

. . . you ever had a riffle in your back at a wedding.

. . . you have a Confederate flag for bed sheets.

. . . you name your dogs after your favorite "Playboy" centerfold.

. . . you grandmother spits farther than you.

. . . you think the WWF is a romantic sport.

. . . your porn collection is also called the family videos.

. . . you have at least five hunting dogs in your bed at night.

. . . you put a corn cobb on a screwdriver and call it a backscratcher

. . . you have a gun rack on the back of your bicycle.

. . . you get kicked out of the KKK for being a bigot.

. . . you got your pickup truck from a lake.

. . . you wore your Burger King hat to your Prom.

. . . if you think hocking loogies onto oncoming vehicles should be an Olympic sport.

. . . you get your 4-wheel drive stuck.

. . . your mechanic looks under the front of your car or truck and asks if you work for

the Road kill Cafe.

. . . you have a rebel flag displayed on your truck.

. . . your son Bubba Junior uses his school locker as a gun cabinet.

. . . your Mama has failed the 3rd. grade five times.

. . . you were born and raised in a pickup truck.

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