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What the Southern Woman knows:

Bad manners when they see them; appreciates her natural assets; a distinct way with fond expressions; the summer weather report; the joys of June, July, and August; everybody's first name; the movies that speak to their hearts; their religions; country breakfasts; their p's &q's; the four deadly sins.

Redneck Women

There are at least 2 main versions of the Southern woman, and then there's an in-between version.  To discuss all of the different regional versions would be more than what this document is geared towards.  The Special Forces of the Government should recruit these girls into a female division of Green Beret, or Navy Seals.

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The first type of Southern woman is the one most depicted in the movies, and they truly do exist. As a matter of fact I knew a few of them in high school and they occasionally astounded me with the determination to put forth a proper front at all times. These women would always have their hair "done", their make-up perfect, if not extreme, and their clothes just so. No one, since they were 5 and started in the beauty pageants, has ever seen them without make-up, not even their mamas. They usually wear heels, big poofy hair, real lipstick (not gloss) in 110 degree heat, and they always wear shoes in public. They actually say things like "I swan", “Well, I neveh", and such.

Yet underneath the glossed over exterior, the charming, eyelash blinking ways, they are pure steel. They will smack you down in a heartbeat should you offend them in any way. Be it verbally to your face, or something let loose thru the halls of the local

church - you will be dragged down and stomped on before you can say "oops". If that doesn't work, well all I can say it watch out for snakes inexplicably using your car for a nap.

The second group of Southern women is combined of the Redneck Woman. You know just by looking at them that if you tick 'em off you're pert much doomed. If you live through the first phase of retaliation, you'll be wise to never show your face at the Piggly Wiggly again.

These woman look may "country", yet they are very comfortable, and quite proud of their look, and their heritage. There is no shame in being a redneck. I want to say that now. One, because I truly believe that and admire them for their stand, and two, I don't want my butt kicked from here to Tupelo.

Redneck women are most comfortable in tank tops and tight jeans - and they look good in them too! Like the first grouping, they also tend to have full make-up on at all times. Redneck women often are comfortable in bare feet, but they tend to love cowboy boots. Skin tight jeans, tank tops, and boots do have a certain appeal to them. Redneck women LOVE pickup trucks. Who needs a wussy SUV when you can throw all the kids into the back of a truck and get on down the road? Kids love to play chicken with low hanging branches on the way to the store - it's a fun game.

Finally, there is the in-between Southern Woman. These are the women that watch a lot of T.V. and find out how the rest of the world lives; sometimes they might even give these other ideas a try.  Just by looking at them you can't tell they're Southern.

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These southern gals will try to hide their Southern-ness from outsiders, but as soon as they open their mouths, the secret is out.

It’s not so much the accent, as it is the words they use. They still call people Honey, or Sugar - even if they say it with venom in their voices. Some gal called me Sugar the other day and my stars, if that one word had poison in it, I'd be dead now. They may be snotty and short tempered, but they'll still remember to ask after your mama, and they all know how to make a funeral casserole.

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